**Note to self: when sick the previous week, it’s probably not a good idea to spend all Friday night dancing at Get Freaky—jacking yourself up so much that sleep never quite comes—and following it up by partying the next night with your hand shoved up a monkey’s ass.
6:50am: I drag myself out of bed and decide that today is a hat day if I want to make it on time to my contract teaching gig downtown .
6:51am: Copious coughing produces a strange formation that looks eerily like Abraham Lincoln. I study this unexpected arrangement of bodily fluids, convinced that it must “mean something.”
7:05am: Hat-shod and Dayquil doped, I arrive at the bus stop just as the train arrives. I accept my good luck as I board the train. I am also forced to accept my bad luck as I realize that I haven’t brought the extra quarter necessary for the 1.25 bus fare. The embittered and sulky MUNI driver takes no pity on my plight, and tells me I’ll have to get off the train if I can’t come up with another quarter. I decide to pay two dollars instead.
7:08am: We arrive at the next stop. Determined to get the most out of the extra 75 cents, I stand directly in the front of the train. I tell the first person who pays cash that I already paid .75 cents of his fare. This charming act of philanthropy gets me a sour look from the driver. The timid passenger does his best to ignore me, drops his $1.25 into the slot and wordlessly moves to the back of the cab.
7:15am: Three stops later, the MUNI driver tells me that if I don’t stop harassing other passengers, I’m going to have to get off the bus. I ask him how offering to pay part of their fare constitutes as harassment. He tells me to “just sit down”.
7:20am: On a beautiful San Francisco morning a nice old Filipino lady gets on the bus with her quarters, and at 33 years of age, I get kicked off the bus.
7:30am: Another bus comes and takes me downtown. Now I’m pissed off and slightly stressing out, because my class starts at 8am, and I need time to set up the board, check the computers, and other crap.
7:55am: I arrive at my destination, but can’t find my classroom.
7:56am: I check the computer, and realize that…
I am teaching TOMORROW, and not today.
Score:
Universe: 3, David: 0
